“Meles, We are just not THAT into you!”

We were channeling Mark Anthony, circa his famous speech, when we realized how applicable the words are to our own Prime Minister. How ingenious would it have been if while our esteemed Meles Zenawi was parading all over Europe, the Mitmita Girls had jumped up, took the stage and announced:

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Meles not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Meles.”

Perhaps he would have continued to try to inculcate himself into the jovial pictures that President Obama and that pesky Italian Prime Minister were posing for, but at least he would have had egg on his face! There he was, looking sheepishly like a loser waiting to be invited to the cool kids’ club. So we asked ourselves: why is Meles Zenawi allowed to show his face anywhere and much less at the G-20?

Perhaps like Sarah Palin, Meles’ people don’t let him read any news that they haven’t properly vetted or which doesn’t come from state (read: Meles) controlled press. Last we checked, a rights group based in Washington DC, Genocide Watch, singled out Zenawi for his violations of human rights and specifically asked the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights to investigate evidence of genocide committed by the Ethiopian government in Gambella and in Ogaden. Genocide, despite what the Prime Minister thinks, is not an easy charge. Mitmita knows that our beloved leader has difficulty with these concepts—one need only look at the charges he leveled against opposition leaders, human rights defenders and journalists in 2005. Remember when he charged them with genocide and then the charges had to be dropped because, well, pretty much everyone in the international community agreed that under no acceptable definition would any of the activities of the opposition be deemed genocide?

Fast-forward to when Meles welcomed fellow dictator Omar Al Bashir of the Sudan to Ethiopia. Could it be that the Prime Minister is taking tips from Bashir on how to get indicted by the International Criminal Court? If that is the case, then we most welcome the visit from the Sudanese! Our Prime Minister, we realized, relishes living amidst chaos because he thinks he is the only stable one in the region—Sudan’s dictatorship is a pariah, one step away from being thrown behind bars; Eritrea, which served as Zenawi’s staging ground for his 1991 invasion is an isolated nation, whose dictator is similarly strangling our sister population; and of course Somalia, a beautiful country marred by Zenawi’s war crimes, is a humanitarian disaster. Among those three most appealing choices, our Prime Minister, with his servile attitude towards the West, comes off as the most obvious one to fund to the tune of billions—except of course for the fact that he is a calculating genocidal maniac. His whole existence is akin to a dating expedition—one in which the West is “pursuer” and the Horn of Africa countries are the ones being courted: one fellow has no job, no direction and no clear plan, is in debt up to his ears but is handsome to look at (Somalia); the second fellow just has crazy in his eye and you think he may have a neighbor tied up in the basement (Eritrea); the third dude has a brilliant smile while he is telling you how he has beaten all of his women but you know, obviously, they deserved it; and the last fellow, dresses in designer duds, seems to use the right nomenclature (if you like that kind of a thing) but upon further inspection you see that his clothes are knock offs and you are sure he was once featured on America’s Most Wanted (Zenawi). Less enterprising people would dismiss all of these men as unacceptable. But the West, seeing an opportunity in everything decides to date the last fellow since he seems to be the one who is making the most out of his situation and besides, he talks all pretty and dresses well enough and so what if it turns out he is a monster because he can still take the West out on dates, pay for all the drinks and give the West whatever she wants!

Which is why, undoubtedly, our Meles was seen running around Europe pretending as though he understands economics and turning his nose up at the wretched ICC. After that little escapade, it is only natural that the next logical step is an accusation of a conspiracy. As just about everyone knows, we adore plots of all kinds—for instance a conspiracy between our favorite couture designers and our jewelers is something we can’t resist. But we do suffer from great ennui every time that our Prime Minister believes that the boogeyman is out to get him. Honestly, he is just not interesting enough for people to try to upstage him at all hours of the day and night! Others, much more serious than we, are engaged in real life concerns like food, health, and building a sustainable existence in a country where the populations lives on fear and borrowed time. They have no time to plan a coup d’état.

The Prime Minister must believe in that old adage that the absence of any evidence confirms the existence of a conspiracy. So we of course circled back to the Bard, the expert on conspiracies, murders and corrupt leaders—unlike Caesar, we can’t think of a single good that the Prime Minister has done which would be interred with his bones, yet we know, the evil that he is doing will live long after him.

 So why don’t we give him something to really fret about? Contact your elected officials in Congress and ask them to pressure the Ethiopian government to release Birtukan Mideska and to stop funding terrorism in Ethiopia. Now that’s the kind of organized conspiracy to overthrow Meles that we can get behind!

 To the barricades!

Why No-One Speaks Out: Politics and Human Rights in Ethiopia

Beloved Readers: The Girls of Mitmita want to share with your our latest piece which we published in the fabulous Pambazuka Newsletter. We have enclosed it below. Enjoy! We have already received quite a few nasty messages from Ethiopian Junta Loyalists so we know we must have hit a nerve!  You can also read the article at several other websites including: www.allafrica.com, thewip.net (the women's perspective), opednew.com, dailycensored.com, galbeed.com, freedetainees.org and many others.

We feel exceptionally popular of course but more importantly we are pleased that word is getting out about our fellow Mimita Girl Birtukan Mideksa who remains in solitary confinement. This is the end of her third month in prison. 

Read the article. Spread the word. Contact NGOs and Your representatives and demand that the Ethiopian government release her unconditionally and immediately.

Fabulously yours,

The Girls of Mitmita.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

WHY NO-ONE SPEAKS OUT: POLITICS AND HUMAN RIGHTS IN ETHIOPIA

2009-03-26

Mitmita

http://www.pambazuka.org/en/category/comment/55150

Ethiopia has no independent judiciary, no free press, no civil society, and individual liberties have been severely curtailed, so why isn’t Meles Zenawi a persona non grata in the international community, asks human rights activist Mitmita. Birtukan Mideksa, a former judge who was charged with treason and sentenced to life imprisonment in 2005, is just one of many people jailed for exercising their fundamental rights, in this case the freedom of speech, says Mitmita. Mideksa is in solitary confinement in Kaliti Prison for allegedly violating the terms of a government pardon granted to her in 2007. The accusations are based on her failure to retract statements made in a speech that she was released from prison through a politically negotiated settlement rather than a formal legal pardon. Western failure to condemn abuses by Zenawi’s government for the sake of their own strategic interests, says Mitmita, comes at the expense of the rights of ordinary Ethiopians.

In the barbed wire existence that is Kaliti Prison, past the mocking eucalyptus trees swaying in the cerulean Addis skies, beyond the square outdoor cages reserved for visitors, away from the prison guards whose hands callously sift through the contents of your food basket, in solitary confinement is a thirty-four year old political prisoner. It is her second stay since 2005 within the infamous walls of the prison that lies on the outskirts of the Ethiopian capital. 

Ms Birtukan Mideksa’s crime, according to the Ethiopian government, is violation of the terms of her 2007 pardon. She was arrested in 2005, in the post election upheaval during which 200 individuals were killed by government forces and more than 100 opposition political leaders and elected parliamentarians, human rights defenders, journalists, attorneys and civil society members were imprisoned. She was tried, convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment. The charge was treason. International outrage followed. Massive campaigns from around the world drew attention to the case. Amnesty International and other NGOs declared the defendants were prisoners of conscience who had been imprisoned solely for the expression of their fundamental rights. 

In 2007, Ms Mideksa and her co-defendants were released as part of negotiations between elders and the Ethiopian government, which allegedly resulted in the following: Signed confessions by Ms Mideksa and others, and a pardon granted to them by the government. The terms and parameters of the pardons as well as the confessions remain murky. What is known and evident is that Ms Mideksa’s December 2008 arrest resulted from the exercise of her right to free speech. 

Outside of the two square metre prison cell that she now inhabits, the political prisoner is a former judge, a mother to a four-year-old daughter and the head of an opposition political organisation (arguably Africa’s only woman to hold such a position). In juggling these roles, she was working to avoid the minefields that accompany exercising your rights in Ethiopia. How does a woman who presided over high profile cases as part of the judiciary end up in solitary confinement serving a life sentence for a second time in the span of two years? The answer lies in the tortured reality that is life in Ethiopia. 

By all accounts, the country has no independent judiciary, no free press, no civil society, and individual liberties such as freedom of speech, association et al have been severely curtailed if not eliminated. Even artists don’t enjoy freedom of thought – their expressions can’t stray from the party lines. For example, Teddy Afro, a popular singer, is serving time for an alleged hit and run, though his lyrics and pro-democracy stance suggest that the accident might have been mere subterfuge. 

A famed author once noted the degree of civilisation in a society is measured by the condition of its prisons. One can add to that a society’s education system. Both are in tatters in Ethiopia. Of the latter, one need only examine Prime Minister Meles Zenawi’s policies – tenth grade graduation was considered completion of high school. It is no wonder then that by any economic index, the country lags behind and is an utter development disaster. 

The prison system, certainly since 2005 but most likely prior to that date, hosted a who’s who of Ethiopia’s intelligentsia, artist community and human rights defenders. That certainly doesn’t make it unique – totalitarian regimes are apt to discredit those who defy them. Those who were not imprisoned were slaughtered in broad daylight. In the Ogaden, the violence committed by government sources was so egregious that human rights groups have labelled them crimes against humanity. This brand of leadership has not only been exported to neighbouring Somalia but the US also allegedly used Ethiopia as a location for one of the CIA’s extraordinary rendition prisons. 

Which brings us back to Ms Mideksa. Solitary confinement, according to Amnesty International, puts Ms Mideksa at risk of ill-treatment and torture. Ms Mideksa has been denied access to counsel and to medical treatment. She is at risk – if not already exposed – to abuse at the hands of prison guards. To be a woman political prisoner is something altogether quite different. The potential for suffering is innumerable. 

The world, outside of those who concern themselves daily with the goings-on of Africa, has turned a deaf ear to her and to Ethiopia’s suffering. The leadership’s consistent flirting with disaster – whether it is famine, the ill-fated foray into supposed electoral politics in 2005, or the misadventures in Somalia – provides a clear image of a ruling party holding a nation in an extricable iron grip. Yet somehow the fate of a Mugabe or a Bashir of the Sudan doesn’t befall Meles Zenawi. There has been no international condemnation, no arrest warrants and he certainly isn’t a global persona non grata. 

Unlike other dictators, the head of Ethiopia has had an air of legitimacy conferred upon him – to the point that Westerners need to be reminded of his true colours, demonstrated during the 2005 elections. The Prime Minister’s policy appears to be twofold: Firstly, to convey an indispensable willingness to protect the interests of the West in the Horn of Africa and secondly, to display the accoutrements of democracy and free market economics without actually implementing any of the institutions or responsibilities that accompany both. 

And it seems his strategy has worked like a charm. Except for a rare rebuke or a slap on the wrist, the West – especially the primary funders of the Ethiopian regime – generally turn a blind eye to the massive human rights violations besieging the nation. Which is not surprising: Even Ethiopians seem tired of Ethiopia’s same old problems. It is much easier to tune out something that has been going on for far too long. For those in need of a crash course in Ethiopian political history, consider the following: 

*Prior to 1974, Ethiopia was ruled by a succession of kings and emperors and was essentially a feudal state. The United States was an ally. 
*1974 brought a faux Marxist/Leninist military junta, which terrorised the nation for close to two decades. Highlights include the red and white terrors, during which almost 100,000 civilians are said to have been disappeared. The Soviet Union and its bloc were Ethiopia’s allies. 
*That dictatorship was ousted by a ragtag band of guerrilla fighters, which included the current Prime Minister. Though the origins of this group were also Marxist Leninist, the group’s chameleon-like nature allows it to don the cloaks of whatever political formation is most expedient. This group has been in power since 1991. Under their ruthless policies, the number of the disappeared is unknown.
*Today, almost two decades later, the United States is an ally again and Ethiopia has earned the coveted designation of ‘partner in the global war on terror’. This status is lamentable if not outright laughable – how can a government unable to provide access to clean water, overcome consistent food insecurity, or curb its penchant for liquidating political opposition be entrusted to battle terrorism in the Horn of Africa? 

Ms Mideksa’s imprisonment is but a microcosm of the tragedies experienced by the larger population. Fundamentally, her case illustrates the immense power that the Ethiopian government wields over its citizens. Her purportedly offensive statements that led to her arrest were made during a speech in Sweden. Shockingly, her words merely stated facts: That her prior release was not based on a formal legal pardon, but rather a politically negotiated settlement. It was her refusal to rescind these statements that landed her in jail. Since Ethiopia’s state apparatus extends beyond boundaries and across oceans, imagine the control it must wield over the population within its borders. Big African brother is watching. Following the 2005 elections, the government banned SMS text messaging after pro-democracy activists used the tool to organise voters and peaceful rallies. Various Ethiopian blogs, websites and other Internet resources are routinely blocked in Ethiopia. The besieged population is regularly searched before entering malls and restaurants. 

Three months into her reinstated life sentence, we must raise some critical questions about Ms Mideksa’s case and the state of Ethiopia as a whole. Are fundamental rights extinguishable at the will of a government? Why isn’t international funding truly linked to a country’s human rights record? Should Western interests, especially purported ‘terrorism’ concerns, supersede the human rights of Africans? And most importantly, where is the outrage? 

* Mitmita is a pseudomyn of an Ethiopian human rights activist. 

The Original Mitmita Girl

The Girls of Mitmita have brought in the New Year in our usually fabulous and fantastic way. Between the holidays and inauguration festivities, we haven’t had a moment to sit down and pen our adventures. Nevertheless, we were always thinking of you. By way of appreciation for all of our readers, we thought of sending you many wonderful presents but alas we had just a tad bit invested with Madoff and well… while it wasn't as bad as when we went long in Argentina earlier in this decade, we have been forced to reconsider our financials. Still, we have many, many shoes we can sell should things begin to feel stodgy. And of course we have turned ourselves into bank holding companies a la Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley and are standing in line to receive our bailout.

While we have been lamenting our securities losses and deliciously awaiting our government checks, our astute Prime Minister has been as naughty as a little schoolboy during holiday from public school. What with imprisoning fellow Mitmita Girl Judge Birtukan and retreating ahem with his tail between his legs from Somalia, we wondered if this prince of darkness ever sleeps.

Meanwhile internet services had been interrupted due to ummm…a virus, we are told. We are by no means conspiracy theorists—we think it would wreck havoc on our complexion to continuously believe that people are actively working against us. (Besides its much better to contemplate how the layoff at Chanel will affect the 2009 fall collection…) Yet we couldn’t help wondering if this virus was man made. Similar to how SMS not so mysteriously disappeared after it was evident that it was used as an organizing tool during the 2005 “elections” in Ethiopia. Every time the Prime Minister hears rumblings of democracy, he magically violates a fundamental human right. We think it would do him some good if he just included some fiber in his diet. Might ease the tension. Or perhaps he can go to one of those Moroccan baths in Addis that are all the rage nowadays. We are much more partial to the butter (kebay) spas ourselves, but for someone who is not an authentic Ethiopian like our prime minister, perhaps we should start him off with something less potent than our kebay steam baths.

We especially think that some kind of retreat is essential for dear Meles because not only are his military endeavors complete failures, but his supposed “cultural” pursuits are also pure flops. Case in point: we are tickled that miles away from Addis, in Seattle, Washington, our illustrious Prime Minister's policies are being shunned. Remember that ill-fated journey of the oldest woman on the planet from Ethiopia to the display cases of a second rate museum in Houston and then to another one in Seattle? Guess how the mother of humanity is being received? Not royally! Not even with champagne and red carpet. The Guardian is reporting that no one is showing Dinkenesh any love.  It seems as though the crowds that were supposed to be flocking to see Meles' ingenious prostitution of the most precious bones in the world didn't get the memo.

 He built it and they didn't come.

According to the President of the Pacific Science Center, only 60,000 of the expected 250,000 visitors have made their way to the museum in Seattle that is currently displaying Dinkenesh. Worse yet, the expense of exhibit seems to be a drag for Pacific Science Center. Other institutions have bowed out of consideration for financial considerations and because of the strong opposition by many scientists and curators to the tour. Dinkenesh is too fragile to withstand the arduous schedule set out by Meles’ cabal.

For many museums, it would appear that cost/benefit analysis just doesn't make sense. The exhibit cost the museum in Seattle over two million dollars and the hordes which were supposed to make all of it worth it, haven’t shown up. So the museum will be in the red. But just like a thief who in the midst of chaos, sneaks in and robs you, Meles is getting his share—by hook or by crook. Specifically, as the pimp, he gets $500,000 from Dinkenesh’s work in Seattle. No details are available for his payment from the Houston Museum. The article remarked that the $500,000 would be used for ummm “cultural and scientific programs” in Ethiopia. Our sides are still hurt from all the laughing.

Sure some may argue that it was the bad economy rather than people shunning the exhibit that contributed to the ennui surrounding the whole thing. But we Mitmita Girls know all about the allure of Dinkenesh. We wouldn't put it past her to have haunted the whole thing and cast a vengeful spell that made people stay away. The original Mitmita Girl is crafty! 

Perhaps the most interesting piece of the article was the following statement, attesting to the financial challenges of hosting such an expensive artifact: “[Dinkenesh] may not be anywhere other than Ethiopia after Seattle.”

That is Mozart to our ears! Many of you had offered to buy Dinkenesh a ticket home when the tour first began in 2007.  Let us do one better and make it embarrassing and more importantly, financially impracticable for the next museum to host her. We understand that the exhibit in Seattle is ending in March and that the Houston Museum of Natural Science is in negotiations with another museum to host Dinkenesh. Not surprisingly the name of the next museum on the tour is not available as of yet.

We will keep sleuthing; in the interim, let us make some noise and send Dinkenesh home!

 Write emails or letters to the addresses below and demand that the Houston Museum of Natural Science of Natural Science end this atrocious and widely condemned tour and send Dinkenesh home:

 Houston Museum of Natural Science

One Hermann Circle Drive, Houston, TX 77030

webmaster@hmns.org

Let us know what responses you get back. The Mitmita Girls are on the case until Dinkenesh goes back home safely. Perhaps our next outing should be a trip to Houston…

Then There Are The Girls.

 For Birtukan

 You didn't know you were supposed to stay in the house.

kitchen.madbet. ye setoch sera.

 

laughing, your three decades

barely under your belt

you swipe aside centuries

of patriarchy. channeling Taitu.

 

telling meles to take off his shoes

on his way out. we don't want

even our soil, our dirt, our land

to touch him. much less follow him

from where he came.

pray that devil back to hell.

they didn't know they are

supposed to fear you. what is

Kaliti but barbed wire anyway.

 

don't our little girls live a barbed wire existence daily?

hustling water from rivers. carrying firewood on their backs.

selling that ounce of dignity (along with that teenage body) for

a better tomorrow. goddammit for some food for the night.

barbed wire caging red hot dreams.passions.

and yellow freedom.

 

what is prison but an Ethiopian woman's life?

 

we are exiled in our own land;

we didn't survive three thousand years

for this.

 

for the Red to be blood running in the street.

for the Green to be owned by starbucks,

for the Yellow, oh that gorgeous yellow,

To be auctioned off to china, whose political

prisoners built that kelebet highway, while

our workers, those orange revolutionaries,

unemployed youth rot. Let them chew chat.

not for this.

 

for little black girls to watch their fathers riddled

with bullets before their golden eyes. to hold their elders

in their hands and watch their future slip away

 

not for this.

three thousand years are for you, beautiful girl.

Woman. For dinkenesh, longing to break free

from that seattle museum because

she knows she wasn't  supposed to be

tied up. shackled. Displayed and sold.

 

she has to get back home. Ogaden. Bali, Omo. Harar,

And yes Tigray. They all burn.

but you soldier on. that's what girls do.

what women do.

Ethiopian women.

 

Jegnoch! Zeraf!

Making hope out of ashes.

Heroines out of bones.

Fire out of our words.

Swords out of tears.

 

And leaders out of little girls.

 

We birthed humanity.

We now birth freedom.

Birtukan.... because well behaved Ethiopian women rarely make history!

Of Mud Baths, Martinis and Malnutrition

Last week brought with it three remarkable pieces of news from Ethiopia: An ever-burgeoning food crisis, the conviction of a popular artist and the introduction of a luxury hotel.

Oh where, oh where, should The Mimita Girls begin?

With the pretty hotel of course!

Tired of the familiarity of the pool at the Hilton? In need of something more alluring than the sauna at the Sheraton? Fret no more, fashinistas of Addis! Next month, a third über swanky hotel will be available to bore you! While Intercontinental Addis was originally slated to open its doors this past September, this latest playground for the glitterati of Bole will seek to outshine its well-established rivals come January. Having played at other InterContinental Hotels including Paris Le Grand and the Willard in Washington, we had practically tracked down the concierge when much to our dismay, news outlets began reporting that this hotel has with no relation with the luxe Intercontinental Hotels Groups.

Leave it to those clever boys in Addis to engage in a little false advertising and fame by association.

By all accounts, much like everything else that is geared towards the plutocrats of Ethiopia, the resort will deliver everything your heart desires: a swimming pool on the top floor, presidential suites, two restaurants and because now it is so au courant to be politically correct, it also features rooms specially designed for physically challenged rich people. If you are still not impressed, we are sure that Intercontinental Addis will seek to completely obliterate the awfully shocking reality that pssssst you are still living under an undemocratic and economically bankrupt dictatorship.

Cheers!

The Mitmita Girls hope that our gold engraved invitations to opening night are in the mail.

On the heels of the announcement of the ostentatious undertaking by Ethiopian hoteliers, as we prepared to make Intercontinental Addis our new haunt, came the news from several United Nations agencies that something is quite rotten in the state of Ethiopia. Famine, that scourge which plagues our fair nation, is expected to be back with a vengeance next year. To many, our previous discussion of luxury hotels would seem incongruous in light of the doomsday scenario painted by the United Nations. (Incidentally do these agencies EVER produce good news?)

One particular article noted the following:

At least 45 percent of Ethiopia's 63 million people live below the poverty line, according to the UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), with the incidence and severity of poverty higher in rural areas - where 80 percent of the population live.

How dare these malnutritioned children ruin the announcement of mud baths and martinis at Intercontinental Addis? Besides everyone knows that our concern is with the top one percent of the population.

And that appears to be the approach of the regime in Addis. The Ethiopian government, shrewdly replicating the ingenious western model of capitalism, is throwing money at all of the appropriate systems of infrastructure. When the American economy sprinted towards a depression, Congress authorized a Wall Street bailout. When Fannie and Freddie threatened to gobble up mortgages as we knew them, the government rescued them. When the American automobile industry couldn’t compete with the world, the heads of the big three flew in their corporate jets to unabashedly demand a handout.

If the beacon of capitalism can simply throw money at the undeserving, far be it for Ethiopia to tackle its many challenges. Everyone knows the way to cure chronic hunger and failing agriculture infrastructure around the country is to build luxury hotels in the capital!

Many might challenge our approach to ending food insecurity through massages and high tea at Intercontinental Addis. Fine. We never claimed expertise on governance—but neither does Meles’ crew.

What we are quite certain of is that Teddy Afro will not be performing at the grand premiere of the hotel.

The artist-activist was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to six years in prison last week. Mitmita has already written about Teddy’s saga and the fate of political artists in one of our previous posts and we wont belabor the point here. Yet we have to note that it was almost within a blink of our eyes that Teddy was arrested, imprisoned, subjected to a kangaroo court, sentenced and convicted. There are many, many things that simply don’t function in Ethiopia; but you have to admire the ease with which this corrupt junta dispenses with the lives of our young through the stroke of a pen. Perhaps the upcoming report by Human Rights Watch will afford the regime a most special recognition for this accomplishment.

While this latest development is without a doubt about Teddy—the artist and the politically conscious youth—it is to an even larger degree about a regime that believes it can act with impunity. As one of our favorite Mitmita admirers noted, it is also about what we as Ethiopians—at home and abroad—are willing to take. At what point does a population refuse to be complicit? When is it enough?

Please ponder this most existential of questions over martinis at the Sheraton and drop us a line with your most profound thoughts as you wait for the doors of Intercontinental Addis to swing open.

THE REBEL AND THE MOOSE HUNTRESS

Having spent our summer months frolicking in the delights of global warming, theMitmita Girls were quite unprepared for the blustery cold front that invaded our senses in early fall. Northern winds have brought us a new twist in our already interesting election season and so Mitmita decided to turn our attention to a most unusual caricature: Sarah Palin.

 Since the climate in Addis is so very much controlled by the whims of the United States government, we thought it most prudent of us to examine this moose huntress and how she fares on the topics of the horn of Africa. Unlike you, we were not at all shocked that no one to date has raised the “African Question”; we are quite aware that the mainstream media is simply waiting with baited breath for Mitmita to provide our audience with the most salacious bits of news on the hockey mom’s dreams of Africa. Alas since she cannot quite make out Ethiopia from her home in Alaska, her knowledge on that country might not be as extensive as say, her well established expertise on Russian nuclear proliferation and Vladmir Putin rearing his head into the Alaskan airspace.

Mitmita was privileged enough to arrange the very first full length and (somewhat) unabridged international interview between a head of state and our dudette veep candidate. New as she may be to the national and indeed the international stage, her political views, her adept handling of interviews and her unique vision of her governing style struck us as similar to yet another phenom: Meles Zenawi. We thought a tête-à-tête between Madame “Raised in the Alaskan Wilderness” and Monsieur “Fought in the Eritrean Wilderness” was most apropos.

The Prime Minister extended an invitation to the Governor to visit Addis Ababa, adding a second stamp to her passport. “Awesome!”, the governor squealed.

Prior to meeting Meles Zenawi, Ms. Palin’s only other African friend has been her sublimely delightful spiritual leader Thomas Muthee whose claim to fame is freeing Kenyan villages of witches. Yes. Witches. We are all waiting on tenterhooks for his appointment to the Justice Department in the Palin-McCain administration. So it is rather with a deep fondness for zealots, that Ms. Palin extended an offer of friendship to Mr. Zenawi.

Seeking to avoid all accusations of political pandering or worst yet partisanship, we wanted to present the conversation between these two great thinkers uninterrupted and sans commentary. Yet having had to interpret Ms. Palin’s lingua franca in recent interviews with Katie Couric, we thought it best to paraphrase the conversation. You see as exceptional as we Mitmita Girls are, we just don’t speak “Palinese”.

The Governor and the Prime Minister bonded over some similar guiding principles. For one, he admired her administration’s policy of charging rape victims for rape test kits.

Since Zenawi has succeeded in using rape as a weapon of war in Somalia and Ogaden, he now has an additional way of recouping state expenses. That idea is almost as good as charging victim’s families for the price of the bullets that killed their loved ones!

Following the discussion of fundraising through unconventional means, the pair moved on to the media. Members of the press, those cursed beasts, have hounded both individuals to no end. While Ms. Palin has succeeded in dodging many of them by simply hiding in one of John McCain’s twelve houses, Zenawi has had members of the press imprisoned or assaulted by his security forces. No doubt Ms. Palin lamented the existence of freedom of the press in America. Perhaps she could seek solace and better guidance from her neighbor Putin who while rearing his head into her kitchen window for some homemade moose stew, could speak to her about his penchant for liquidating free thinking Russian journalists.

As the conversations went on, aides of both leaders noted a burgeoning friendship between the one time student who attended five colleges in six years and the college dropout.

Since much of the world is staring down a depression, it is only natural that the global financial status would be of chief concern to Ms. Palin and Mr. Zenawi. Lambasted by learned economists, the two have stoically clung to their talking points. As a former faux Marxist masquerading as a faux capitalist circa 1991, Mr. Zenawi has been an advocate of the market and specifically of a stock market for Ethiopia. This is notwithstanding that we still have an agricultural system that uses an ox-plough. Ms. Palin, on the other hand familiar only with markets that are shopping malls, has struggled to articulate her economic position, urging simply that “it’s gotta be about job creation.”  On other financial matters however, the similarities between Palin and Zenawi are quite eerie.

They both received huge amounts of funds from the United States congress. Palin’s stash is courtesy of pork barrel spending while Zenawi’s monies takes the shape of military funding. With her allocations, she builds bridges to nowhere while he burns bridges between Ethiopia and Somalia.

Several hours later, the polite discussions over cappuccinos between the bubbly loquacious governor and the calculating Prime Minister almost ended in disaster. On the mention of Ethiopia as the home of the oldest human, who is 3.2 million years old, Ms. Palin protested vehemently. “Eve was no more than 6,000 years old,” she exclaimed, fishing for her pocketbook copy of Gideon’s Bible. The prime minister’s aides assured the moose hunter that Dinkenesh was indeed much older and that additionally, 6,000 years ago, dinosaurs did not coexist with humans. Seeking proof of their words, she insisted on seeing this Dinkenesh. Mr. Zenawi then informed her that Dinkenesh is on her American tour much like Ms. Palin is on her Ethiopian tour. Ms. Palin remained unshaken from her creationist position and to break the impasse Mr. Zenawi assured her if there was a way for him to make money from an “intelligent design” gimmick, he would also entertain her belief.

As day was ending, Mr. Zenawi wanted to impart some words of wisdom unto the young governor, cautioning her to keep abreast of major developments. “What happens in Tora Bora is just as important to you as what happens in Alaska.” She stared ahead and had that now classic what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about deer caught in headlights look. Then she blinked and she nodded confirming that as a mother, exploring all of the new and exciting rides at Disneyland are definitely on the top of her list.

***

Confirming their new Best Friends Forever status, Ms. Palin and Mr. Zenawi were tickled to discover towards the end of their “getting to know you” session that they in fact had one other item on which to bond: succession. Palin’s family is closely linked to the Alaska Independence Party, a successionist group which advocates Alaska’s independence from the United States. In Ms. Palin, Mr. Zenawi sees a leader who shares his love of dividing up a country into different group and separating it bit by bit! The Governor might be his soul mate after all.

Mr. Meles walked away quite convinced that the little lady from Alaska would one day make a fine African dictator—once Alaska secedes, floats away and attaches itself to East Africa, which we now know Ms. Palin can not see from her tanning bed. 

The Day the Music Died or When A Dictatorship Targets Artists

Seriously, we have put up with quite a bit from this dictatorship in Ethiopia! Economic stagnation. Food crisis. Uncontrollable Inflation. Political prisoners. Intellectual strangulation. Decrepit education system. But the current arrest of musician and man about town, Tewodros Kassahun, popularly known as Teddy Afro, has us at our wits end. Is nothing sacred? First they came for the politicians, then they came for the lawyers and now they are coming for our artists. Must the hot, smart boys suffer along with the rest of us mortals?

The veracity of the accusations against him is hard to swallow. After all this is the same state apparatus which not too long ago accused journalists and human rights defenders of genocide—which would be laughable if it wasn’t so tragically disrespectful to victims of genocide worldwide. The artist stands accused of a hit and run in which the victim died. His real crime however, is not genuflecting to the powers of the tyrannical regime.

Teddy Afro’s popularity among progressive pro human rights Ethiopians is well noted. The antagonism of the regime is also inevitable—they detest anything that is naturally beautiful and gravitate towards the profoundly artificial. It is therefore not surprising that on May 5, 2008, the Committee to Protect Journalists reported that an Ethiopian Deputy Editor and two staff writers of the monthly Enku, were arrested in connection with the publication of a cover story on our Teddy Afro. The newspapers, with treasonous materials such as “interviews with [Teddy’s] lawyer and fans,” were confiscated by the police. The supremely important head of the Ethiopian Information Ministry (our country’s Orwellian Ministry of Truth) confirmed the right of the police to “intervene if there are any problems with “content.” Bravo to the supporters of the regime! We feel much safer and smarter knowing that the information we received has been initially culled and properly vetted by the police.

So it is from some of these junta apparatchiks that one can hear the cries for justice for the young man allegedly killed by Teddy Afro and for accountability for the accused artist. Suddenly everyone is an advocate for retribution. Oh that poor boy, they say of the victim. Yes, it is tragic as is any loss of life. Yet those who are most fervently calling for the electric chair in this case, also happen to be the most ardent supporters of the regime. One would be hard pressed to find these same people calling for justice when the government’s security forces mowed down Ethiopians in broad daylight.

Let us by all means prosecute those pesky drunk drivers! What a blight they are on our otherwise pristine existence!  What? You can’t afford Teff? You don’t know how to make your meager salary stretch? Well. A government that is failing to feed its own people—that is just economics! We are somehow expected to railroad Teddy to prison for an alleged hit and run but the crimes of Meles and his henchmen against 80 million Ethiopians go unanswered.

Jaded as we are, our first instinct was to think something much more sinister was afoot! Is the Meles regime rounding up eligible young bachelors and locking them up? Do we now have to withstand our diminished wages along with the dwindling prospects of a date with a talented artist? As if life isn’t depressing enough, must they lock up the good-looking boys? Our survey regarding our theory of Teddy’s arrest proved inconclusive. It seems that although the regime has been imprisoning young men en masse for some years, it is not the intent but simply the outcome that the number of free, eligible, good-looking men has dwindled.

Our protest is not against accountability but rather against selective prosecution and implementation of laws. Our opposition is to the silencing of artists whose work is deemed contrary to the interests of the regime. 

Revolutionary artists are raconteurs of a people’s suffering, their hopes and their work for change. Some have already written about Teddy and his inspiration, Bob Marley. Before he was co-opted by corporations, hipsters and those unfamiliar with history but enraptured with reggae, Marley promoted African independence through his cri de coeur against white colonial rule in his song “Zimbabwe.” He was a protest musician. South Africa’s Anti Apartheid movement was accompanied by the melodies of Miriam Makeba, Mbgeni Ngema and Vuyisile Mini. In North America, author James Baldwin penned the angst of the Black population while chanteuse Nina Simone belted out tunes of rage during the black liberation movements of the 1950’s through the 1970s. Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Erykah Badu and dead prez provide the soundtrack of the current struggle for human rights in the United States. Bards, authors and songwriters offer an essential element of movements providing visual and vocal representations of the struggle. Teddy Afro falls squarely within that tradition. He is that tradition.

So as a special homage to artists, whose who have stood and continue to stand in solidarity with movements for freedom, we offer, with profuse apologies to the incomparable Nina Simone, a play on her protest song of the black liberation movement of the 1960’s in the United States,  “Mississippi Goddam!” 

We have renamed it “Meles Zenawi Goddam!”

The name of this tune is Meles Zenawi Goddam

And I mean every word of it

Ogaden's gotten me so upset

Somalia made me lose my rest

And everybody knows about Meles Zenawi Goddam

Ogaden's gotten me so upset

Somalia made me lose my rest

And everybody knows about Meles Zenawi Goddam

Can't you see it

Can't you feel it

It's all in the air

I can't stand the pressure much longer

Somebody say a prayer

 

Ogaden's gotten me so upset

Somalia's made me lose my rest

And everybody knows about  Meles Zenawi Goddam

This is a show tune

But the show hasn't been written for it, yet

Security forces on my trail

Political prisoners sitting in jail

Black cat cross my path

I think every day's gonna be my last

Lord have mercy on this land of mine

We all gonna get it in due time

I don't belong here

I don't belong there

I've even stopped believing in prayer

 

Don't tell me

I tell you

Me and my people just about due

I've been there so I know

They keep on saying "Go slow!"

But that's just the trouble

"do it slow"

Free Elections

"do it slow"

Human rights struggle

"do it slow"

You're just plain rotten

"do it slow"

You're too damn lazy

"do it slow"

The thinking's crazy

"do it slow"

Where am I going

What am i doing

I don't know

I don't know

Just try to do your very best

Stand up be counted with all the rest

For everybody knows about Meles Zenawi Goddam

I bet you thought I was kiddin' didn't you

National strikes

School boy cots

They try to say it's an orange revolution plot

All I want is equality

for my cousin my brother my people and me

Yes you lied to me all these years

You told me to come and vote without fear

And talking real free won't land me in jail

And I believed it all without fail

Oh but this whole country is full of lies

You're all gonna die and die like flies

I don't trust you any more

You keep on saying "Go slow!"

"Go slow!"

But that's just the trouble

"do it slow"

Freedom of Speech

"do it slow"

Mass participation

"do it slow"

Free the prisoners

"do it slow"

Do things gradually

"do it slow"

But bring more tragedy

"do it slow"

Why don't you see it

Why don't you feel it

I don't know

I don't know

You don't have to live next to me

Just give me my equality

Everybody knows about Ogaden

Everybody knows about Somalia

Everybody knows about Meles Zenawi Goddam

That's it!