Of Mud Baths, Martinis and Malnutrition

Last week brought with it three remarkable pieces of news from Ethiopia: An ever-burgeoning food crisis, the conviction of a popular artist and the introduction of a luxury hotel.

Oh where, oh where, should The Mimita Girls begin?

With the pretty hotel of course!

Tired of the familiarity of the pool at the Hilton? In need of something more alluring than the sauna at the Sheraton? Fret no more, fashinistas of Addis! Next month, a third über swanky hotel will be available to bore you! While Intercontinental Addis was originally slated to open its doors this past September, this latest playground for the glitterati of Bole will seek to outshine its well-established rivals come January. Having played at other InterContinental Hotels including Paris Le Grand and the Willard in Washington, we had practically tracked down the concierge when much to our dismay, news outlets began reporting that this hotel has with no relation with the luxe Intercontinental Hotels Groups.

Leave it to those clever boys in Addis to engage in a little false advertising and fame by association.

By all accounts, much like everything else that is geared towards the plutocrats of Ethiopia, the resort will deliver everything your heart desires: a swimming pool on the top floor, presidential suites, two restaurants and because now it is so au courant to be politically correct, it also features rooms specially designed for physically challenged rich people. If you are still not impressed, we are sure that Intercontinental Addis will seek to completely obliterate the awfully shocking reality that pssssst you are still living under an undemocratic and economically bankrupt dictatorship.

Cheers!

The Mitmita Girls hope that our gold engraved invitations to opening night are in the mail.

On the heels of the announcement of the ostentatious undertaking by Ethiopian hoteliers, as we prepared to make Intercontinental Addis our new haunt, came the news from several United Nations agencies that something is quite rotten in the state of Ethiopia. Famine, that scourge which plagues our fair nation, is expected to be back with a vengeance next year. To many, our previous discussion of luxury hotels would seem incongruous in light of the doomsday scenario painted by the United Nations. (Incidentally do these agencies EVER produce good news?)

One particular article noted the following:

At least 45 percent of Ethiopia's 63 million people live below the poverty line, according to the UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), with the incidence and severity of poverty higher in rural areas - where 80 percent of the population live.

How dare these malnutritioned children ruin the announcement of mud baths and martinis at Intercontinental Addis? Besides everyone knows that our concern is with the top one percent of the population.

And that appears to be the approach of the regime in Addis. The Ethiopian government, shrewdly replicating the ingenious western model of capitalism, is throwing money at all of the appropriate systems of infrastructure. When the American economy sprinted towards a depression, Congress authorized a Wall Street bailout. When Fannie and Freddie threatened to gobble up mortgages as we knew them, the government rescued them. When the American automobile industry couldn’t compete with the world, the heads of the big three flew in their corporate jets to unabashedly demand a handout.

If the beacon of capitalism can simply throw money at the undeserving, far be it for Ethiopia to tackle its many challenges. Everyone knows the way to cure chronic hunger and failing agriculture infrastructure around the country is to build luxury hotels in the capital!

Many might challenge our approach to ending food insecurity through massages and high tea at Intercontinental Addis. Fine. We never claimed expertise on governance—but neither does Meles’ crew.

What we are quite certain of is that Teddy Afro will not be performing at the grand premiere of the hotel.

The artist-activist was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to six years in prison last week. Mitmita has already written about Teddy’s saga and the fate of political artists in one of our previous posts and we wont belabor the point here. Yet we have to note that it was almost within a blink of our eyes that Teddy was arrested, imprisoned, subjected to a kangaroo court, sentenced and convicted. There are many, many things that simply don’t function in Ethiopia; but you have to admire the ease with which this corrupt junta dispenses with the lives of our young through the stroke of a pen. Perhaps the upcoming report by Human Rights Watch will afford the regime a most special recognition for this accomplishment.

While this latest development is without a doubt about Teddy—the artist and the politically conscious youth—it is to an even larger degree about a regime that believes it can act with impunity. As one of our favorite Mitmita admirers noted, it is also about what we as Ethiopians—at home and abroad—are willing to take. At what point does a population refuse to be complicit? When is it enough?

Please ponder this most existential of questions over martinis at the Sheraton and drop us a line with your most profound thoughts as you wait for the doors of Intercontinental Addis to swing open.

Of Mud Baths, Martinis and Malnutrition